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Biggles Dictates a Letter is a sketch that appears in "Salad Days," the thirty-third episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Synopsis[]

In the opening, an Organist enters a stage to applause and sits down at the organ. He strikes a chord and his clothes are pulled off by invisible strings. A nude string quartet (the other four Pythons) play a chord, the BBC continuity announcer says "and now...", the "It's" man says "it's" and the opening titles play.

A narrator (John Cleese) introduces The Adventure of Biggles, Part One: Biggles Dictates a Letter". Biggles (Graham Chapman) stands over his secretary, Miss Bladder (Nicki Howorth) and tells her to write his letter as he dictates. She call him 'Señor Biggles' to Biggles' disgust. He begins his letter to King Haakon but Miss Bladder is confused about which part of what he says is to be written, so he comes to the solution of wearing antlers when he is dictating and taking them off when he's not, but she interprets it the other way round.

Miss Bladder grows tired of Biggles calling her numerous names for prostitutes and implies his associate Algy (Michael Palin) is a poof. Biggles calls Algy into the room and he enters dressed in a butch RAF uniform. Biggles asks if he's gay and Algy responds "I should bally well say so, old fruit!" and Biggles shoots him dead.

He continues with his letter to King Haakon. But after finishing, he realises the name of his other associate Ginger (Terry Gilliam) may be rhyming slang for a poof. He calls him in and Ginger prances in wearing a flamboyant costume. He denies he's gay and leaves.

Biggles then starts on a new letter to Princess Margaret and Pantmoime Princess Margaret from "Blood, Devastation, Death, War and Horror" comes out of a cupboard and waves. Biggles orders her to get back in the cupboard before a short cut to a loony (Chapman) saying "lemon curry?". Biggles finishes the letter and the narrator says "Next week, Part 2: Biggles' Flies Undone".

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