Europolice Song Contest is a sketch that appears in "How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body," the twenty-second episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.
Synopsis[]
Police contestants battle it out to be the winner of the Europolice Song Contest.
Sgt. Duckie's Song[]
Sgt Duckie
Following on from the previous sketch, Sgt Duckie (Terry Jones) and Inspector Muffin (Michael Palin) greet each other. Duckie tells him he's feeling a bit moody today. Muffin asks him why, glancing knowingly at the camera. Backing music starts up and Sgt Duckie and his squad (The Fred Tomlinson Singers) start to sing a jaunty show tune, with Duckie prancing round exaggeratedly and the family sitting uncomfortably.
Lyrics[]
(Duckie) I'm a little bit sad and lonely
Now my baby's gone away
I'm feeling kinda blue
I don't know just what to do
I feel a little sad today.
(Chorus of PCs) He's a little bit sad and lonely
Now his baby's gone away
He's feeling kinda blue
He don't know just what to do
He's not feeling so good today.
(Duckie) When I smile
The sun comes flooding in
But when I'm sad
It goes behind the clouds again.
(Chorus of PCs) He's a little bit sad and lonely
Now his baby's gone away
He's feeling kinda- (pause)
(spoken) etcetera, etcetera.
Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bong[]
Inspector Zatapathique
Inspector Muffin has put a lampshade over his head and a Eurovision girl (Eric Idle) appears on screen, reading out scores in different languages. She announces Monaco is the winner (in Asian and Jamaican accents) and presents Chief Inspector Jean-Paul Zatapathique (Graham Chapman) to sing the winning song.
A commentator (Palin) introduces in a hushed voice Inspector Zatapathique, Forensic Expert of the Monaco Murder Squad who will sing Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bong (an obvious parody of Lulu's winning Eurovision 1969 entry, Boom Bang-a-Bang).
A sombre, dark waltz instrumental starts to play as Zatapathique walks onstage, with a choir humming.
Lyrics[]
(Zatapathique) (spoken) Quoi? Quoi? Tout le monde, quoi? ... mais, le monde ... d'habitude ... mais ... je pense ...
(Zatapathique) (shouting madly) and (Singers):
Bing tiddle tiddle bang
Bing tiddle tiddle bing
Bing tiddle tiddle tiddle tiddle
Bing tiddle tiddle tiddle bong! (repeat)
Zatapathique, exhausted, bends over, and an arrow appears, with the voiceover (John Cleese) pointing out "number 31, the end."