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Hospital Run by RSM is a sketch that appears in "Royal Episode 13," the twenty-sixth episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.


At the Intensive Care Unit, a group of heavily bandaged patients wielding crutches stagger down the steps and onto the road under the direction of a doctor (John Cleese). He explains his disdain for lazy patients who lie in bed all day. He picks on the first patient (Michael Palin) who says he has a fractured tibia. The doctor scorns him for being such a "mummy's boy", comparing him to the patient next to him who has two broken arms but isn't complaining. The doctor makes the patient run along the road but he falls. Then he turns to the rest and orders them to keep walking.

Another doctor (Eric Idle) at St Pooves explains what A.R.T is - Active Recuperation Techniques, where patients are shown that they can be helpful to society however ill they may be. The camera zooms out revealing he is in a wheelchair and he asks a limping patient, Mr Griffiths, to wheel him to the sun lounge.

A patient (Palin) explains he has a triple fracture of the right leg, a dislocated collar bone and multiple head injuries, but does the heavy work in building a holiday home for the surgeon. He tells the interviewer that the ones who are really ill do sport.

It cuts to a group of patients limping along a cross country course. A patient lying on the floor (Graham Chapman) says he feels "much better".

Other hospitals where the staff are treated well are:

  • St Nathan's Hospital For Young, Attractive Girls Who Aren't Particularly Ill, where the doctor (Terry Jones) explains there are plenty of doctors, over forty doctors per bed in fact.
  • St Gandalf's Hospital For Very Rich People Who Like Giving Doctors Lots Of Money, where the doctor (Chapman) explains they deal with blocked purses, drain private accounts and perform cashectomy, "total removal of all moneys from the patient".
  • St Michael's Hospital For Linkmen, where the doctor (Cleese) explains they try to help people who have to link sketches together, and stopping them from saying something like "And now the mountaineering sketch".